Funeral Songs
At least once, we’ll likely attend a farewell ceremony, tangihanga, celebration of life, or funeral for someone we care about. These gatherings help us share stories, support each other, and honor a life well-lived, grounding us as we move through grief. In many cultures, music plays a central role. You may have even thought, “I want this song at my funeral,” which sparked our interest in exploring the origins of music in these ceremonies and we found some information that could help you.
Today, end-of-life ceremonies often incorporate modern technology, with curated slideshows, video links, and advanced sound systems for a meaningful tribute.
Music has become central to funeral traditions worldwide. Christianity introduced hymns; Māori use waiata to express grief and connect the deceased with their iwi and land; and Hindu rituals include music and chants to create a sacred atmosphere and guide the soul’s journey. In Anglican funerals, music plays as the coffin enters and as mourners exit. Traditional Chinese funerals have bands to ward off spirits, and Jamaicans hold a nine-night ritual with reggae and gospel to celebrate life.
Funeral songs carry deep emotional significance—evoking memories, offering comfort, and supporting collective mourning. Classics like "Amazing Grace," "Wind Beneath My Wings," "My Heart Will Go On," and "You Raise Me Up" provide solace, helping process emotions and sometimes even uplift during heavy times.
However, not all cultures and religions have music played at funerals. Muslim funerals are often very quiet. Salafi, Wahhabi, and Deobandi denominations of Islam strictly prohibit music. Often conversation is limited too, instead they use the silence to focus on meditation and prayer. The only sounds at these funerals are the reading and recitation of prayers.
More broadly speaking, while music doesn’t relieve any of the impact of grief, it can provide some comfort, and over time, a connection point to allow memories to drift in.
“There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that does not find relief in music”
If you are of a belief where songs at funerals are appropriate, giving thought to what you might like is a gift to loved ones. It can be a song you love, one that is signifcant throughout your life, or several that sum up how you chose to live. It’s a reflection of you, so there are no rules. If you’re not sure where to start, this might help:
How do I choose a funeral song?
Pick something that feels like you: choose a song that reflects your personality, values, or something you just genuinely love. It should feel authentic to who you are
Consider your beliefs and traditions: if you have any cultural or spiritual traditions, including a song that fits those can add extra meaning to the ceremony
Set the mood you’d want: think about whether you’d want a song that’s comforting, joyful, or reflective. This choice can help the emotions and energy for loved ones at your service
Think of shared memories: choose a song that brings back memories shared with family or friends, so it helps others connect to moments they shared with you.
What about choosing a funeral song for someone who has passed?
It is important that the farewell is a reflection of the person lost, so please consider their wishes. If you can speak with them before they pass to understand their preferences, it can reduce a lot of pressure and worry at an already difficult time or in the Holdmine app you can securely add information such as which songs you would like played at your funeral.
If you wish to have music at your funeral or if your loved one wishes to, knowing what songs a loved one would like played at their funeral can be a gift to those planning how to celebrate their life, and alleviating stress during an emotionally charged time by ensuring any ceremony reflects their wishes. As time passes, hearing those songs can provide connection and comfort, as music is so powerful in evoking memories.
We appreciate this is a difficult topic, but one we know many families benefit from discussing and understanding what each other may wish for when the sad time comes. We have prepared a few other free resources here to help navigate this subject with others, please review these here, and if you need further support, please do contact us.
“The times you lived through, the people you shared those times with – nothing brings it all to life like an old mix tape. It does a better job of storing up memories than actual brain tissue can do. Every mix tape tells a story. Put them together, and they can add up to the story of a life ”
Real life story
When Melissa’s Dad Grant passed away unexpectedly, conversations like this hadn’t been had between him and anyone in his close circle. That left a grief-stricken group the very hard task of planning a farewell that reflected each of their views of him, and the songs chosen needed to reflect who he was in their eyes, as well as what they all knew he would have wanted.
Thankfully, each of the family were open and collaborative in working through each of the complex choices that need to be made when planning a funeral and the service is one, a decade later, is looked back on as being a fitting and fun reflection of Grant’s character. A mix of traditional songs, a Pink Floyd classic, the hauntingly beautiful Somewhere Over the Rainbow version by Israel Kamakawiwoʻole and, his best friends carrying him out of the service to the rock anthem ‘Back in Black’ by AC/DC. Each song connects everyone now to a memory of him, A lovely pull on the heartstrings when these songs are heard, to connect with memories of a much loved man.
